Ljungby vs. London

18 June - 31 July 2014. Filed under category Personal.
Ljungby vs London 2

Who would win in a fight, the metropolis London or my childhood home of Ljungby?

During the customary pre-fight dinner, Ljungby would take a quick lead with my mother cooking up a storm. Sure, Alex in London would do a good job, but my mother’s three-course dinners with home-shot moose and creamy sauces would be no match. In fact, some London soldiers would desert right after dessert and fight for Ljungby.

On the morning of the battle, it is clear that the Londoners far outnumber the Ljungby army, but it isn’t purely a numbers game. The Londoners are all foot soldiers, unable to ride anything other than an escalator. The Swedish hordes have elk-riders. You’ve never seen carnage until you’ve seen twenty Viking elk-riders mowing through Oxford Street.

London Army (pride)

London Army (pride)

London has their own elite troops of course, the dreaded Clubbers, armed with powerful sonic weapons and advanced strobe laser weapons. Ljungby’s only defence is the peace-sphere, a sphere of complete tranquillity that nullifies all noises above a light rain against tree leaves. Enveloped in this sphere, the Clubbers soon go mad after being exposed to their normally occluded tinnitus.

London has superior fortresses, including the Tower of London and other large structures, but Ljungby has their home-made ‘Ljungby Maskin’ siege weapons. Other heavy-weapons are the London tea-time tanks shooting boiling tea at their enemies. The tea-tanks only work at 5 o’clock though, while the Swedish coffee tanks are on standby all day.

Sweden does seem to have a slight advantage in technology, but this just manages to make up for the large numbers  of the Londoners. In the end, the thing that rescues both cities from mutual destruction is trade. Trade can end the conflict, as soon as the two parties realize that Ljungby manufactures games, but does not play them, while London plays games, but does not manufacture them. The only thing needed to seal everlasting peace is for the Swedish prince Carl-Philip to marry the British prince Harry.

Ljungby Elk Riders (play week)

Ljungby Elk Riders (play week)

Travel Updates

As you may have guessed, I have spent some time in London and Sweden.

In London, I enjoyed the Greenwich festival, the London Fetish Week, London Pride and, of course, many lovely gaming sessions with my old friends.

In Sweden, I enjoyed another play week with my really old friends as well as having some long-needed peace and quiet. Nothing beats having all your food cooked, every coffee break meticulously scheduled, a glass of wine arriving at the end of the day, laundry taken care off and midnight coffees drunk out on the balcony.

I also got into print-and-play games. Mum and I spent days printing games, cutting cardboard, laminating cards etc. Actually, I got a bit obsessive about them. We manufactured 31 little wooden cubes and glued little stickers on them to make RoboDerby dice…  Great fun!


How would your city do in a fight?

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  1. Elliot says:

    Thanks Gustav that was funny and wonderfully surreal, and made a nice start to my Saturday morning. I must experience the peace-sphere before Vauxhall railway arches inflict anymore damage to my cochlea hair cells!

  2. Magnus says:

    Haha just loved this article, read it out laud to my parents who agreed with every conclusion

  3. Pippa says:

    Sounds soulful and fabulously enjoyable. Your mum sounds great. Say hello! Where next?

  4. J. says:

    I suspect the battle between peace-sphere and clubbers is a never-ending one… I think best to have and enjoy both!

  5. Diego says:

    There can’t be winners in a battle like that. You’re right to simply enjoy the trade and benefit from both.
    Oh, and midnight coffee, yummmm, I love it.
    Actually, it’s yummmm for coffe at any time. lol

  6. Jessica says:

    Ha, ha! I love the article on Ljungby vs. London! However, having just moved to Copenhagen, I can inform you that this city combines the best of the other two (at least a weekend like this, when our mother is visiting ;-)).

  7. Brian B says:

    What you’d call an Elk is a Moose in NA. What we call Elk here is actually a Wapiti and closely related to the east siberian red deer.
    I’d bet your mum can out cook any Brit. They don’t have much a reputation there except fish and chips and chicken tikka masala.
    I had a Swedish-American girlfriend all through high school. I got plenty of Swedish food but I’ll pass on the lutefish thank you. I still make kotboller and pancakes swedish style lingon berries and all. Yum. PS she was a dead ringer for Agnetha of Abba and knew it. She did her hair and makeup just the same. No that I think back on our get ups I can only laugh. 3″ (7.5cm) platforms and garish colours that mother nature never intended.

How would your city do in a fight?

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