Teotihuacán is a UNESCO world heritage site located an hour’s drive from Mexico City. Towering over the archaeological site are two enormous stone pyramids. The Moon pyramid is the, relatively, smaller of the two and stand at the beginning of the Avenue of the Dead, a broad street lined with stone houses and temples. Walking down the avenue you pass the Sun pyramid to your left. If passing this pyramid, you quietly think to yourself, “Wow! That must be the second largest pre-Colombian pyramid in the new world,” then you would be spot on and a little weird.
Continuing down the Avenue of the Dead you eventually learn the origin of that name as you step over the rotting corpses of dead tourists who succumbed to thirst and exhaustion. If, at the furthest end of the avenue, your blistering feet haven’t given up yet, then you can visit the third and final pyramid: the Temple of the Feathered Serpent. This is a much smaller pyramid, but what it lacks in size it makes up in decoration. (Trust me; not having to climb another giant pyramid at this point is a blessing.) The side of the pyramid features two kind of stone faces, both resembling snakes. The guide said something about river spirits, but at this point, the ringing in my ears drowned out any attempt of his to educate me on this topic.
The origin and purpose of Teotihuacán is unknown. The Teotihuacánians didn’t have an alphabet and thus were unable to tweet sarcastically about their boss’s stupid reasons for wanting yet another pyramid.
Clever archaeologists have dated the earliest buildings at Teotihuacán to about 200 BCE (Before Christ Emerged). The Sun Pyramid was completed by 100 CE. Sometime between the 7th or 8th century, something went badly wrong. There are traces of destroyed and burnt buildings, and whatever happened seems to have been the end of Teotihuacán as the place to be and be seen.
The lack of facts around the rise and fall of Teotihuacán has left the field open to people with too much free time to make up crazy and unfounded stories. Some even claim that aliens built the pyramids. I find that ridiculous. If alien architects, able to charter an inter-galactic space ship, came to earth to build monuments, surely, they would choose better construction materials than stone. Or did they perhaps fly here in their stone space ships?
I think not. It is much more likely that the aliens parked two flying saucers high above the ground for a rest stop. The Teotihuacánians saw the space ships and, thinking that they were the chariots of the gods, they began building the pyramids to reach the two hovering saucers. In contrast with the alert Jehovah, the aliens didn’t notice and didn’t strike down these towers of babel for the simple reason that they were sleeping. The planet they came from (Nezahualcóyotl or some crazy name like that) has a several century long night time. So they slept while the humans both completed the pyramids (at 100CE) and then guessed the door entry code (~850 CE). It seems reasonable that a civilization advanced enough to conquer space travel would also have perfected the art of intuitive technology, and thus it was easy for the Teotihuacánians to take control of the space ships and leave earth. What they hadn’t accounted for, however, were the powerful jets required to leave earth’s gravity well. Those jets are why parts of Teotihuacánians was burnt and destroyed at the same time the population disappeared. At least, they are in this theory, which in my opinion is much more plausible than the one where aliens come to earth to play with stone Lego.